“How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
It is probably one of the most common conversations Nigerians have every day. We say it at the office, on the street, at church or mosque, on the phone and even when someone who knows us well can tell that something is not quite right.
Sometimes, “I’m fine” simply means we do not want to explain ourselves. Other times, however, it can mean something deeper.
With the pressure of making ends meet, rising responsibilities, demanding jobs, family expectations, relationships and the constant pressure to appear as though everything is under control, many people have become remarkably good at hiding what they are actually experiencing.
A person can laugh with colleagues in the morning and spend the evening worrying about bills. A parent can encourage everyone around them while quietly struggling with personal concerns. A young person can remain active on social media while feeling isolated offline.
And because everyone seems to be carrying something, it can become easy to assume that our own struggles are not important enough to talk about.
But pretending that everything is fine all the time does not necessarily make the problem disappear.
So, why do people hide what they are going through?
For some, it is the fear of being judged. Others do not want to appear weak, become a burden or invite unwanted questions. Some have previously opened up and felt misunderstood, while others simply grew up believing that personal problems should remain private.
There is also the Nigerian culture of encouraging people to “be strong” and keep moving, even when life becomes difficult.
Being strong, however, does not mean refusing every opportunity to seek support.
Sometimes, talking to someone you trust can be a healthy first step. And when what you are experiencing becomes persistent, overwhelming or begins interfering with everyday life, speaking with a qualified health professional can provide appropriate support.
The next time someone asks, “How are you?”, perhaps we should remember that “I’m fine” is not always the only acceptable answer.
And if someone you care about says they are fine but seems unusually withdrawn or distressed, a simple “Are you sure you're okay?” may open a conversation they have been waiting to have.
Wellness is not only about what we eat, how much we exercise or how well we sleep. It is also about giving ourselves permission to acknowledge when life is difficult and knowing when to reach out.
And there is another everyday habit many of us practise without thinking about it—one that may be affecting our wellbeing more than we realise. We will talk about that in our next wellness conversation.
